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Obama Fully Explains Age-Appropriate Sex Ed for Kindergarteners

(Originally posted on August 16th, 2007)

(Chicago, Illinois) – After shocking many by suggesting that teaching sex education in kindergarten is the right thing to do, Barak Obama decided to more fully explain what he believes to be “age appropriate” sex ed for public schools.

“People are out of control on this,” said Obama. “I wasn’t talking about giving condoms to 5-year-olds. Our schools should wait until at least age 7 to begin educating our children about condoms, abortion, and oral stimulation. A 5-year-old needs to know basic anatomy and understand that his or her anatomy can make a baby if they are not careful. So watch out! But we also need to teach them that they are protected by the Constitution to not have a baby if they choose. So be careful. But not too careful.”

And parents should be given the right to opt their children out of these programs until age 10. But they would be foolish to do that, as I am convinced that the vast majority of today’s parents are not prepared to teach their children about sex education. The public schools are much better equipped to do so. It’s never too early to start teaching these things to children. They need to know that having sexual feelings about their friends and their teachers at that age is completely normal. I bet most parents aren’t teaching that to their 5-year-olds, which is a prime example of why our schools need to take action. I hope this better explains my position on the issue, and now we can move on to other issues. Like banning children from bringing their lunch to school so that the teachers can monitor the diet of each and every child to ensure it conforms to government standards.”

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